Ripp crashed onto the bed in a sorrowful daze, his head still spinning from the meeting with his father earlier in the day. Johnny crawled across the width of the bed to lay a hand on his shoulder, kissing his cheek.
“You okay?” he checked.
“Yeah,” Ripp sighed, before pulling back the covers as he slid under them.
The two boys laid in the dark for a spell, Ripp resting his head on Johnny’s chest and enjoying the soothing sound of his heartbeat, while Johnny smoothed down his brown hair as he held him close.
“Been one hell of a weekend, huh?” Johnny mused.
Ripp scoffed a little in reply, before moving away from his chest and making eye contact. His fingers stroked Johnny’s face as he moved closer, enlisting some help as he did so.
“Kiss me,” he urged in a hushed tone.
Johnny smiled as he pulled them both closer together, clutching Ripp’s face as their mouths idly brushed together. Something stirred within Ripp as he increased the strength of his kisses, rolling on top of Johnny as his breathing deepened. Johnny gripped him tightly as he felt engulfed by the blaze raging through Ripp’s being. Ripp’s lips left Johnny’s to glide along the green flesh of his cheek and across to his ear.
Johnny nibbled at his bottom lip, his breathing increasing in pace as he clutched Ripp’s head. Ripp began to work down Johnny’s face to plant soft kisses along his neck, but paused as he found himself about to explore his chest, watching it rise and fall for a moment as he realised where the moment was leading. His head rose once more to Johnny’s face as he peered down apologetically, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment.
“Sorry,” he muttered, “I didn’t mean to push anything…”
“It’s okay,” Johnny smiled, pulling him closer before caressing his face, “I want this so much…”
Ripp beamed, fanning the flames while moving to kiss his lover’s lips once more as they gripped each other fiercely. A joint moan arose from the pair as they embraced, Johnny’s hands reaching downward to tug at Ripp’s shorts before creeping up his back to pull him closer still. Unlike Ripp, Johnny’s knowledge of sex stopped there, and now he relied on his younger partner to teach him all that needed to be learnt.
Ripp teased Johnny’s senses with his mouth as he worked down his body, exploring his torso with his lips as he slid down the bed. Johnny began to gasp for air as though there was little left, the anticipation growing to unbearable proportions.
After a while, Ripp ceased his torment and climbed back up the bed, placing a single kiss upon Johnny’s lips before rising to a sitting position. Johnny paused in thought for a moment as he remembered an important aspect of his past that needed to be questioned.
“’Old on,” Johnny interrupted, tapping Ripp’s leg, “You are clean, I take it?”
Ripp smiled a little as he gazed down at the green lad. Johnny couldn’t help but notice a sadness in his smile that was reflected in his blue eyes.
“Yeah, I’m clean,” Ripp reassured him, before their bodies merged into one. Their eyes closed as they basked in the raw emotion which floated through the air like an intoxicating perfume, mixing with the natural scent of their bodies to add fuel to their already raging fire as it consumed their very souls.
Tank slept fitfully once again, the spirit of his mother watching with sadness in her eyes as she stood by his side. He flinched a little as her icy fingers glided across his forehead, but continued to torture himself with the talk he had with Ripp once safely tucked away in his room.
Although Tank’s eyes stung with the threat of tears, the salty waters remained in check as he struggled to process his thoughts. Ripp laid a hand on his shoulder as they both recovered from the impromptu confrontation with their father, and Tank became grateful that, for now at least, Ripp seemed to have pulled himself from the pit of despair just enough for him to notice the world around him. It was time they had that talk.
“I’ll be okay,” Tank dismissed with a smile, which quickly faded as he got to the point. “I take it Johnny and Philly know what you did with your cherry?”
Ripp’s hand dropped to his side as his head hung, feeling the flames of shame lick at his cheeks.
“Yeah,” he replied, before looking back at Tank, “Look, I needed someone to talk to, and you…”
“Were still bein’ a jerk,” Tank finished dryly, “I know.”
Ripp returned his gaze to the floor as he stirred uncomfortably, bracing himself for the interrogation.
“How old were you?”
Ripp mumbled incoherently as he continued to study his shoes.
“What was that?” Tank quizzed with a frown.
Ripp remained quiet, prompting his brother to repeat the question.
“Thirteen,” he muttered, tears welling at his eyes as he gazed back at Tank. “I was thirteen when I fucked Mike, okay?!”
“Mike?” Tank echoed softly, not expecting to be given a name. “How old was this Mike?”
“He was fifteen at the time,” Ripp explained, “There was this meetin’ arranged by a support forum I’d joined, that’s how we bumped into each other.”
“What about these others?” Tank tested with a hint of suspicion, “Did you meet them through these gatherings?”
“They were part of the forum, but no,” Ripp replied, his tone quietening as he felt another pang of humiliation, “There’d be posts about ‘looking for friends or more,’ that kinda thing…”
Tank straightened up in his seat as he eyed him sternly, barely daring to believe his ears.
“’Old on,” he checked, “You just went meetin’ these guys that you didn’t know?!”
“We spoke a little first,” Ripp offered with a shrug.
“On the phone?”
Ripp arched an eyebrow as he looked back at Tank. “Didn’t have a cell phone, did I? Only way I managed to get one at all was my wages from work, and that weren’t ‘til later.”
“We have a phone here…”
“Oh come on, Tank!” Ripp bit, “I couldn’t even check the site without one of you guys breathin’ down my neck!”
“You’re missin’ the point!” Tank retaliated, his voice raising as he struggled to keep a grip on his patience. “Are you really that naïve?! You have any idea how many pervs are crawlin’ the net these days?”
“The place is moderated y’know,” Ripp supplied, burying his discomfort at the mention of predators.
“That don’t make a scrap o’ difference,” Tank snapped, “Middle aged guys go on these places all the time, seein’ who they can prey on. You’re damn lucky you ever came back, you could easily have wound up in a ditch somewhere…!”
“Like either of you woulda cared at the time,” Ripp grumbled in reply.
The brutality of his words clamped upon Tank’s throat with a cruel grip, restricting his use of speech. Ripp took advantage of the break in words to deliver his own harsh verdict on the matter.
“Try putting yourself in my place for a minute,” Ripp explained coolly, “Your dad spouts off about the very thing you’ve known yourself to be. You’re made to feel like a freak; you’re unloved, unwanted, you feel worthless. Your only friend is an eight year old who can’t understand any of what’s going on with his fucked up family. Your dad and older brother treat you like a piece of shit, life as a whole ain’t worth living.” Ripp’s voice reached a crescendo as the resentment grew inside, now almost yelling the rest of his speech. “Now you sit there an’ tell me you’d care if you got out alive!? That you’d even want to come back to a place where your own family wouldn’t notice if you’d gone?! Only reason I ever stayed was because there was nowhere else to go – I begged Mom to take me with her when she left!”
Tank was left with his head buried in his hands as the words filtered into his tormented mind. The boy was right of course, both father and oldest son had made Ripp’s life a nightmare. There was something Tank needed to rectify though, and it also served as a chance to finally tell him what he’d wanted to say.
“I have cared, Ripp,” he uttered meekly, not hiding the extent of the damage dealt by his accusations, “I’ve always cared… I know I ain’t shown it before now an’ I’m sorry, but it’s true. Dad cares too, I know he does.”
“Dad hates me,” Ripp remarked woefully, once more tumbling into the chasm trapping him the day before.
“He doesn’t hate you,” Tank told him, slipping an arm round his shoulder, “You’re a great guy Ripp, you’re everythin’ he loved about Mom… maybe he just feels guilty about that an’ won’t admit it…”
Past bitterness and present feeling of loss took their toll on the younger youth, the very mention of their mother pushing him over the brink and into a weeping wreck.
A tear trickled from the corner of his eye, leaving a trail that glistened in the moonlight as the salty droplet brushed past the tip of his ear. If Lyla remained in her body she would have felt a similar sensation in her eyes, but nonetheless she gazed upon him with a heavy heart. There was a slither of light that parted the clouds as she realised he was in fact back to the boy she’d remembered him to be, the protective brother who used to fight Ripp’s corner in school. The beam of light grew ever wider as she felt another feeling, that of relief, and in her curiosity she began to leaf through his memories, wondering how and when this change occurred.
The air was still, punctuated only by the happy panting of the two boys as they lay in each other’s arms. Johnny gazed down lovingly at the young man below, whose blue eyes sparkled in delight as they merely smiled at each other for a moment, peering into each other’s eyes while they combed their fingers through their partner’s hair.
“That was incredible,” Johnny grinned fondly, brushing his nose against Ripp’s.
“Sure was,” Ripp agreed, a warm smile taking hold of his lips as he ran a finger along his cheek, “I’ve dreamed for so long of this moment.”
Johnny leaned closer, and Ripp could feel his breath upon his face as his alien lover spoke again.
“I love you so much,” he whispered softly, pecking Ripp’s lips.
“I love you Johnny,” Ripp replied, his grip tightening on Johnny, “I love you so much.”
Johnny allowed more of his weight to press against Ripp’s body as he placed a lingering kiss on his lips, and soon their mouths locked together as the dormant flame in their hearts began to burn with a new intensity.
Much time had passed and Lyla had disappeared, leaving Tank wide awake and hyperventilating as the images of his nightmare lingered in his mind. He hadn’t screamed as Ripp had done the night before, a mere yelp escaping his lips as he’d jolted from his slumber, and once recovering his bearings he swung his legs down from the bed, sitting there for a moment as he felt himself shaking.
He attempted to regain control of his breathing, swallowing a rising lump in his throat. The mixed emotions playing havoc with his mind were also swallowed back into his stomach where they began to stew, inducing a wave of nausea that rippled through his being. Before long that ripple grew into a wave that sent him racing into the bathroom.
Groaning and shuddering as the last of his meal left his stomach, his hands gripped the bowl as he pulled himself to his feet. After tugging at the cistern handle, he made his way over to the basin and flushed the sickly taste from his mouth. When his eyes met the mirror however he froze, once more in distress at the sight of the reflection in the glass.
“Mom…?” he whimpered, a hand slowly reaching for the polished surface.
“I’m so proud of you Tank,” she told him, “The way you’ve turned things around, reverted to the person I remember you being…”
Tank swallowed hard as words from his memories drifted through his mental ears.
“Don’t let yourself change into the beast your father has become.”
Tears flowed from his eyes as he studied her face, the scene of her murder plaguing his mind’s eye once again. There was no question any more, Ripp had been right… and with such a cruel image painted too. He wished so hard to not remember her in such a way.
“I’m sorry,” he uttered, “Sorry for not being as close as I could have been…”
“Don’t worry about that,” she soothed, “Some bond better with their fathers…”
Tank’s head lowered at the mention, yet she seemed to sense the cause and continued.
“I married him for a reason,” she told him with a smile, “It’s never too late to find the buried treasure.”
“I so hope you’re right,” he replied, his eyelids clenched shut as he propped his head against the mirror. “I just want my father back.”
He opened his eyes and lifted his head, only to find she had evaporated and left him alone in the bathroom. Again feeling in despair, the sobs worked their way back up his throat as he sank onto the toilet seat.
Never had he been so glad for an en-suite bathroom. Walking back to the bedroom, he sat upon the bedclothes as the mental images continued to linger. Only now he was grateful for that, his hand diving under the pillow to retrieve his notebook. There was no way he could sleep until every last demon had been exorcised onto the paper.
For the second time that night, the heat of passion radiated into the room from the two boys as they clung to each other. Johnny placed tender kisses along Ripp’s throat, before already starting to sit up as he grew impatient.
Ripp frowned as he watched, his eyes widening a little as he guessed what he had in mind.
“Whoa, whoa!” he exclaimed gently but urgently, pulling him back towards him, “I went down for a reason.”
“You did?” Johnny asked with a frown, “I thought it was jus’… I dunno, like kissin’ I guess.”
“Foreplay?” Ripp checked, smiling a little.
“If that’s what you call it.”
Ripp chuckled at his innocence. “Ah, you have a lot to learn,” he mused, before his smile slipped a little, “Like why it’s so important to do that first.”
“It is?” Johnny pondered, scratching his head in bemusement and frustration. Ripp sensed his annoyance and sucked at his fingers, before sliding his hand down Johnny’s back. The green boy gasped at this new sensation, the fire inside instantly becoming an inferno as he leaned forward, clamping his lips over Ripp’s as they embraced.
The urge now was too strong to resist, and Johnny once more began to rise. Again, much to his aggravation, Ripp tugged at his arms.
“Haven’t you learned anything?” Ripp challenged, growing annoyed for Johnny’s sake, “If you don’t go down first, it’s gonna hurt!”
Johnny paused as he considered Ripp’s movement with his hand before, and finally the penny dropped.
“Oh!” he exclaimed, “Why didn’t you just say?!”
“I didn’t wanna break the mood,” he replied quietly.
Johnny chuckled, leaning forwards to taste his lips again. This time he heeded Ripp’s advice as he began to crawl down the bed, experimenting with what he’d picked up the first time. He never noticed the look of relief on Ripp’s face before he began to instruct his apprentice, peering downwards as he felt Johnny’s inexperienced fumblings below his waist.
“You okay down there?” he asked with a smile.
“I think so,” the little voice replied from further south, “Didn’t see what you did, but I’ll give it a shot…”
After a while, Ripp gave an indicative tug at Johnny’s head as he spoke.
“Whoa, that’s enough,” he told him.
“Aww, was jus’ getting into it too!” Johnny smiled as he climbed back up the bed, now rising for a third time to a sitting position.
“Some other time you can finish the job, if you like it that much,” Ripp winked with a twinkle in his eye. “Now take it easy, don’t wanna hurt yourself…”
Too late, he mused, his stomach lurching as he noticed Johnny’s features crease into a flinch.
“Ow,” he complained softly, “Wonder if women have to mess about like this?”
Ripp could only shrug in reply, before Johnny’s warmth spread through his whole being, their bodies fusing together for the second time that night.
Tank gave another yawn as his right hand slowly began to cease its scrawling, his eyelids sliding downwards of their own volition. Time for bed, he told himself, and tucked his notebook back under his pillow.
“Oh for…!” he grumbled, swallowing hard but this time for a different reason. Vomiting, the fright of seeing a ghost and crying are all thirsty work, he observed in frustration as he rose from the bed.
Softly padding along the landing so as not to wake the others, he made his way to the stairs. As he passed Johnny’s room he paused, frowning in confusion as his ears detected something from within.
“Still awake?” he asked himself, scarcely above a whisper as he backed away from the stairs towards the door. The nature of the sounds filtering through the wood struck him as odd, his innocent mind not sure what to make of them at first.
Hold on, isn’t that Ripp? They’re both….?
“Oh boy,” he groaned to himself, feeling his cheeks redden as he scurried down the stairs to the kitchen. With all that he’d endured so far in the night, this was just the icing on a cake he didn’t care to eat.
The flames of desire continued to heat the room, Ripp finding new lessons to teach his eager student as the hours ticked by. This time he rose to his knees and gripped the headboard, although something triggered an attack of anxiety as he felt Johnny’s presence behind him. Reminders of previous conversations drifted through his mind, mingling with other, stronger memories that returned from the shadows of his past to haunt him once more. He found his growing worries harder to bury as he felt hands upon him and, as sensitive skin brushed against his own, he could already hear the frightened cries rising from his throat before they became audible to his partner.
“Stop, please!”
Johnny frowned in confusion at the odd nature of his request, and in concern at the urgency of his cry. The latter caused him to quickly release his grip and back away, waiting for Ripp to slump against the headboard before approaching to slip an arm round his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Ripp uttered, allowing Johnny to pull him closer into his arms.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Johnny reassured him, “What is it, bad memories or somethin’?”
Ripp nodded before beginning to explain.
“This guy I was with,” he began, “He didn’t wear the condom I gave him, didn’t use lubrication either.” He cringed at the memory as he continued. “He wouldn’t stop when I told him to, even when I was screaming just from the pain…”
“Geez,” Johnny breathed, “Sounds like rape to me!”
“Oh, it wasn’t rape,” Ripp reassured him, “He just got really rough. Still freaked me out though.”
Johnny frowned in concern, an alarm beginning to sound loudly in his head.
“’Old on a minute,” Johnny challenged, a fear now nagging at the forefront of his mind, “You gave him a condom, and he didn’t wear it?!”
“Yeah,” Ripp spat in reply, “Had to be treated for STDs too, the bastard.” He looked back at Johnny as he realised what he was getting at. “I’m clean now, just as I said I was – not surprisingly, he was my last one.”
“And you’re absolutely sure about that?”
“I went for a routine check after I finished my treatment,” Ripp affirmed, “All clear.”
Johnny allowed the initial tide of relief to wash over him, before noticing something amiss in what Ripp had said earlier.
“How many nasty surprises did he give you?”
“Two,” came the bitter reply, “And I was still lucky, apparently. Something to do with it being easier to catch other shit ‘cause I was bleeding.”
“Sheesh,” Johnny muttered, before eying the younger boy with a deliberate stare. “How can you sit there and say that weren’t rape?! You even freaked out while I was about to…”
“I went there expectin’ to get laid!”
“You weren’t expectin’ him to tear your ass open, were ya?!” Johnny countered, “You said yourself, you were beggin’ ‘im to stop but he kept goin’. That’s rape, Ripp.”
Tears welled at Ripp’s eyes as his head shook, still trying to cling to the theory he’d lived by since the incident occurred. Johnny meanwhile was growing more angry by the minute as the picture became clearer; not at Ripp of course, but whoever it was who’d done this to him.
“It started out fine,” Ripp whimpered, “We made out, we stripped, both of us were hard as rocks… It was only when I felt the pain, when he was already inside me…”
“Don’t matter how far you went,” Johnny told him, “Stop means stop, an’ if ‘e respected ya he’d ‘ave fuckin’ listened!” Johnny’s anger bubbled over, his voice raising as he continued to speak. “He couldn’t even put on that piece o’ rubber you gave ‘im, he put you at risk through that alone! Then he leaves off the lubricant, on purpose no doubt; if he’d jus’ forgotten it he’d ‘ave stopped.”
Johnny’s blood was boiling now, every word he spoke adding another stroke to the canvas as it became plain what had really happened. “He didn’t invite you over for a fuck, he wanted to hurt you from the get-go. Course it started fine, he needed you to think that so he’d get away with it.”
Johnny could have continued on his tirade, but stopped himself on noting Ripp’s stricken expression.
Tears were now streaming down the pale cheeks of the younger lad, Johnny's words smashing to pieces any hope he had left that it was no more than a bad sexual experience. The memories came flooding back as though it had happened hours before, of how much he had trembled after it was over, how angry he had been at the young man, how violated he’d felt…
It was the latter that served as the trigger, that pressed home the full impact of an event that he’d hoped to have forgotten, although then Ripp never cried. Now was different, his shoulders shaking visibly from the force of the sobs as Johnny took him into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” Johnny murmured as he stroked his hair, “I’m so sorry.”
