Chapter Ten

In the safety of his bedroom, Buzz sat silently upon the bedclothes as he contemplated what had just happened. He knew there would be harsh words exchanged, but this was far from what he had expected. So much Ripp had dropped on him in the space of a couple of hours; he made no secret of his friendship with Johnny, which he could just about tolerate, but to see them kissing… and now it turned out he had gone much further with others before him. Sharing a bed with however many men, over how long a period of time… Just the thought was enough to send a shiver up his spine, yet the words had pierced his heart like a bullet.

“I needed love and I wasn’t getting any, what was I meant to do?!”

It may have seemed as though he merely sought a scapegoat, although Buzz couldn’t deny that there was truth in what he had said. So hopeful he had been that Tank would follow in his footsteps, he was able to dismiss Ripp and his lazy ways as nothing more than a nuisance… he had, in essence, ignored him, and now both father and son had paid a hefty price for that act of negligence. Would he have given away his innocence so readily, if he hadn’t felt the need to compensate for what he’d been lacking at home? How long ago did this happen? Ripp was still only a child at fifteen…

No, scratch that, I don’t even wanna know. Any time before now would be too soon…

“Now you remember you’re a father?”

More strong words, from the same boy. He had wondered then what he had meant, yet now it began to make sense. That bullet had left a hole, an entry wound that wouldn’t heal, as it lodged deep with, and had embedded itself in his being. How he longed for it to leave, to provide an exit wound that would free all this pain that festered inside. The exit wound may always be worse, but at least he wouldn’t be carrying it around with him, rattling and clinking against the other shells he had stored over the years.

Someone, please, cut me open so I can cry…

Don’t be so soft, man! Tears are for the weak!

They’re not! They’re the only way I can release this poison inside…

Use the punch-bag if you’re that desperate!

The punch-bag doesn’t work! Sure, it’s a quick fix, but it’s no release…

The sound of doors closing and familiar voices pulled him from his inner commotion. Rising to his feet, he opened the door a little, not too much, but enough for him to catch a glimpse of what was going on. His eyes instinctively narrowed at the sight of green flesh, but frowned at the presence of luggage. Ripp was clutching his right arm as though it was badly hurt, and the blond alien boy held him in his arms, in that same loving way he’d once held Lyla. Buck was going with them, all three of them leaving with this alien family. Green hands carried the bags as they departed, and the front door closed.

Buzz fled his initial hiding place, moving the curtain aside a little to watch the proceedings outside from a safe distance. Sure enough, the cases were stashed into Peter’s car, with Ripp being helped into the back seat. He definitely looked more hurt than he’d first suspected, but in the dim light of night he couldn’t see the extent of the damage. One thing was certain, however.

Great, the final insult… all three of my children, staying with aliens.

You know what? I’ve had it with you. That shallow mind of yours is what drove them away!

You’re sounding like Ripp now… and her. In fact that’s probably where he gets it from.

Is that such a bad thing? What’s the alternative… this? You’re completely alone now. No Tank to back you up – not that he would if he was here now.

Yeah, ‘cause Ripp got to him…

Tank’s lucky, he has that kind of brother. What of you, an only child with a brutal father… or is that him talking now?! Was that him who’s most likely put Ripp in hospital?

How do you know he’s gonna wind up in hospital?

Did you see the way he held his arm? … Oh damn, I’ve just had a nasty thought… with Johnny and Peter with them, it’s obvious they know what happened. Supposing word gets to the hospital?

… Fuck… you know, just this once I think you’re right…

Buzz was now alone in the house, with the night drawing in. The sky outside was clear, but inside the clouds were gathering full force, a storm of confusion, anger, hatred and fear brewing as Buzz began to pace the room like a caged tiger. Such powerful emotions that often ran rampant through his being, but this time aimed at only one person – himself.

“You fucking idiot!!” he yelled at himself, “For the sake of a disobedient teenager, you’ve put your fucking job on the line?? Why didn’t you go up to your punch-bag if you were so pissed off?!”

Because he was there, and because he was the cause of the anger. Such a simple answer, so simple he’d forgotten all sense of ethics in his bid to vent his frustration… just like his own father had done so many times before. In a way, he was relieved that he was now alone, for them but also for himself. They needed somewhere safe to stay, away from the ticking time-bomb that he had plainly become, while he needed some space to finally rearrange the tangled web of thoughts in his mind. Ripp had continued where Lyla had left off in trying to break the cycle of hatred and violence. He had succeeded already with Tank, and just a few days ago had promised to try the same with him. Those very words now hung in the air like mist, that only part of his mind wished to blot out.

“I finally knocked some sense into Tank… and you’re next, Mister.”

“Whatever it takes,” Buzz vowed, anxiously gripping the curtains as he contemplated his predicament, “Whatever it takes to get my family back.”

After much discussion, it had been decided that it was better for Buck to be dropped off at his new home, and Tank with him so the boy would have a sense of security, someone whom he knew and trusted to take care of him. Now, it was just Peter and Johnny accompanying Ripp in the waiting room, the latter tightly gripping his hand as he waited to be seen. Despite all that had happened, however, Ripp felt torn between what he knew to be right and the message given through blood.

“Look,” he began softly, “He’s not gonna get into trouble is he?”

Both father and son turned suddenly to face him, neither understanding the reasoning behind this question.

“He’s just kicked the shit outta you… your words!” Johnny exclaimed.

“It was me who caused it!” he told him, “I was shouting at him, calling him names…”

“You had good reason to!” he started, but Peter hushed him.

“That’s beside the point,” he said, before turning to Ripp, “Listen kid. None of this is your fault, okay? That man is like an untamed beast, it only takes one trigger at the wrong time…”

“If I hadn’t fucked up…” he started, lowering his head.

“You didn’t mess up,” he soothed, but this time Ripp was adamant.

“I did!” he exclaimed, “Not only getting caught kissing a guy, ‘the enemy,’ no less, but I blurted out something else I really shouldn’t have…”

Johnny studied him for a moment, wondering if he should hazard a guess or let Ripp explain. He decided on the latter.

“What do you mean?” he asked suspiciously.

Ripp looked at him with sorry eyes as he replied.

“About me not being a virgin…”

His fears confirmed, Johnny’s head dropped in despair.

“Oh, Ripp…” he uttered, nursing his brow.

“I know,” he accepted, “It just slipped out… I’m sure that was part of it…”

“You didn’t tell him why, did you!?”

“I was angry…”

“Hold on, hold on,” Peter intervened, “All sorts of things come out when you’re angry, and it’s usually the home truths you’d keep to yourself if you were calm.”

“Tell me about it,” Ripp muttered.

“So you didn’t mess up,” he reassured, “If anyone’s guilty of that, it’s him. You have a punch-bag upstairs, he had somewhere to vent without hurting anybody.”

“Ripp Grunt?”

Ripp looked up at the call of his name and rose from his seat, Johnny with him.

“They’re gonna ask what happened, aren’t they?” Ripp hedged with uncertainty.

“Of course,” Johnny confirmed, before draping his arm round his shoulder, his expression serious as he continued. “Listen sweets, if you don’t tell ‘em, I will. That guy needs serious help, and this may just be the only way to get it to ‘im.”

Ripp suddenly stopped in his tracks, his head snapping sharply into the direction of his lover’s face as something broke inside him. His response surprised even himself given all that had happened.

“Don’t, please!”

Johnny stared in disbelief at his battered boyfriend, unable to comprehend why he’d ask such a thing.

“Ripp…!?”

“Please Johnny, I…” He trailed off in thought, considering how best to continue as he presented his case. “I don’t even know why, but I love him…”

Johnny’s heart cracked as he understood the problem. Would he be any more able to turn his father in if he had done similar to him?

“Oh Ripp,” he muttered, taking him into his arms, “Of course you do, he’s your father…”

“Don’t say anything, please,” he whimpered as he clung to him.

Johnny said nothing for a while, silently holding him close as his eyes shut in a mixture of affection and despair. Surely he must know the truly right thing to do, yet his heart blocked the path to justice, even to seeking the help they all so dearly needed.

He kissed his head while combing his fingers through his hair, before speaking softly into his ear.

“Listen,” he began, “It’ll be okay, I promise. If this goes through the proper channels, you’ll get all the support you’ll need…”

Ripp abruptly burst out of character at his words, his voice raising as he roughly pushed him away.

“I don’t need a fucking therapist!!” he yelled, “I need a father!”

So saying, he started to back away. Johnny began to slowly advance, trying to reason with him, but the barrier wouldn’t be broken. He noticed that they were slowly increasing in speed, before finding himself breaking into a sprint, grateful that he was fitter and more active as he soon firmly grabbed his shoulder. Ripp instantly ground to a halt as he let out a stifled yelp of pain, and Johnny took the chance to circle round to face him as he lay his other hand on his free shoulder. His hold loosened, but not much, and he quickly figured why his grip had hurt – given that he would never want to clutch him that tightly, it was pretty obvious.

“I just found a bruise your father gave you!” he reminded him, “What you need is love, security… didn’t you go playin’ around to try to make up for that?”

“Look,” Ripp uttered, his fight now waning as tears took over, “He’s never done this before…”

“But now he has, and he’ll do it again…”

“That’s why Tank got us all packing…”

“That’s not the point! Do you really want that in a father?!”

“He can be nice when he wants to be…!”

“Sure,” Johnny agreed, “Which is why he needs help. He’ll be just as reluctant to accept it as you are, but it’s the only way you’re gonna get your father back, Ripp. Now please, let me do the right thing.”

“I did it myself with Tank…”

“It worked on Tank because he hadn’t been ‘fully conditioned’ into his way of thinking,” Johnny pointed out, struggling now to keep hold of his patience as he felt it begin to slip, “Your Dad beat the crap outta ya just ‘cause you dared to challenge him. There ain’t no way are you gonna do this by yourself; he needs a professional who ain’t clouded by personal ties.”

Ripp’s head bowed as the words struggled to gain entry into his troubled mind. Meanwhile, Johnny’s gaze wavered as he spotted the doctor approaching, although thankfully for them he remained quiet.

“You also have a suspected broken wrist, which ain’t gonna treat itself,” he reminded him. “Well, it might, but it’ll heal funny. Try playin’ drums with that…”
Ripp looked back up at him with tear-stained cheeks. Johnny lifted his hands to his face to brush them away, praying to anyone who’d listen that his pleas were finally starting to filter through.

“I’m only speakin’ like this ‘cause I care about you,” he told him gently, “I know you love him, and he probably loves you, but until this gets sorted out he won’t be able to show it.”

“I just want my family back, Johnny…”

“Then let us help you,” the doctor offered, advancing slowly. His sullen expression told the boys he’d overheard their conversation, and Ripp was left with his head lowered in defeat. Even if he ran now, the doctor still had enough to go on to report him anyway. Ripp had been backed into a corner, and he knew it.

The doctor grimly finished taking his notes, while Ripp was slumped in his chair, trying in vain to control the sobs now working their way up his throat. It wasn’t long before he gave it up as a bad job, releasing the dam he’d tried to build and letting the tears gush forth, sobbing helplessly into his good hand as Johnny held him close.

“I’m sorry baby,” he uttered, kissing his temple, “It had to be done, for all your sakes.”

“How many children are there?” the doctor asked.

“Three,” Johnny replied, “Ripp’s in the middle at fifteen, Tank’s sixteen, and Buck’s ten.”

“And you say Buck saw all this happen?”

Ripp managed to nod as the tears slowly began to dry.

“That’s bad news,” the doctor told him, before changing his approach. “Look, it is hard when you’re in the middle of it, but your boyfriend’s right; we can’t let this go unchecked. There’s already lasting damage in all three of you, and as long as this is allowed to continue, it’ll happen again. This way you can all get some real help, him included. You will be able to get your family back, but only if you let us help you.”

“There’s a heart in there somewhere,” Ripp told him, “I know it’s there, he can be so nice to the others…” He trailed off as his head lowered, bitterness beginning to build inside as he felt the true meaning of what he’d just said.

“Nice to the others,” he repeated sourly, his brow furrowing into a scowl.

“Not to you?”

“Tank’s his favourite,” he explained, “Or at least he was until I managed to rescue him…”

“Rescue him? From what?”

“From becoming a clone of Dad,” Ripp explained, raising his head with the strength of conviction. “He knew what was happening to him, but he needed help to stop it – he’s been so much different since…!”

The doctor straightened up in his seat, a triumphant smile on his face.

“You said a mouthful there,” he told him.

“I did?”

The doctor leaned forward, partly to take Ripp’s bad arm so that he could investigate further.

“This sounds like a legacy thing,” he explained, “We see this all the time. The abused becomes the abuser; conditioned into what he’s been taught to be right, he then tries to instill that in his children. He knows no other way to work.”

“Abused…?” Ripp checked, before reacting badly to the prodding of his inflamed wrist. The pain lessened as the doctor worked his way up his arm, allowing him to focus more on what he’d been told.

“Dad got hit too?” he pondered aloud, tears of empathetic pain now pricking at his eyes. Was this all it boiled down to, that in becoming who he now was, he’d suffered as much, or even more than Tank had? This begged another, bigger question; if this “untamed beast” was what he’d been moulded into, what lay beneath? What was his father really like, and was it possible to bring back at least some part of that person?

With all the questions racing round his mind, Ripp came to what he hoped would be the right decision.

“Whatever it takes to get my father back,” he told him in a hushed tone, concern now an added ingredient to the concoction of emotions raging through his heart, “And to make sure Tank can be truly saved.”

“Guess this means I won’t be able to practice for a while,” Ripp acknowledged sadly.

“Don’t worry about that,” Johnny reassured him, “Thought it was broken somehow, just from the way the doc couldn’t even touch it without you shriekin’.”

“Mm,” Peter mused, before facing him full on. “Don’t worry about your father, okay? He needed to be reported, it’s the only way you can all get the help you need.”

Ripp nodded slowly, as the same message from different people began to soak into the sponge of his mind, adding weight to his decision earlier.

“You just work on gettin’ better,” Johnny told him, pecking his forehead, “We’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

Ripp nodded again, this time accompanied by a glimmer of a smile.

“Thanks,” he said softly.

“No problem, Ripp,” Peter smiled back.

“Look, Johnny,” Ripp began, watching his partner with apologetic eyes, “I’m sorry about earlier…”

“It’s cool,” Johnny accepted, “You were scared, I know that. It’s gonna be okay though, really.”

He bent forward, initially to kiss his lips until his gaze met with the bloody mess upon them. Ripp sensed his intentions as his head rose, and reached out for him as he spoke.

“Please,” he uttered, “Kiss me…”

“Won’t it hurt?”

“No more than my wrist is right now,” he reminded him.

Smiling dryly in reply, Johnny wiped away the blood from Ripp’s mouth and leant close to place a tender farewell kiss on his lips, caressing his cheek. Ripp responded by clutching his hand as he did so.

“See ya,” Johnny said, brushing his fingers affectionately against his partner’s nose before he left.

With Buck being young enough to innocently be able to cuddle up to Jill, and Ripp’s reserved sleeping spot being the other side of Johnny’s double bed, Tank was left with the spare room. Not a problem in itself, he was used to sleeping alone, only he didn’t usually see his father in such a blind rage he’d assault any of them. Just the throbbing of his eye was enough to remind him of that… and then there were the nature of the words exchanged. He had expected him to be angry at the truth that one of his sons preferred men to women, not to mention the fact it was someone he’d been taught to hate for his colour, but what took Tank by surprise was the flash confession that his little brother was already a man. He’d certainly kept that quiet, even as they’d grown closer – when did this happen? His reason why cut him the deepest – he had no love at home, so he sought it elsewhere. Back when Tank was bound tightly inside the army coloured jack-in-the-box… he had only recently been freed, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this had happened some time before. Ripp definitely spoke as someone with experience when he fought back against their father. His previous musings about Johnny triggered an alarm in his mind, too. Taught to hate him for his colour… so what of Ophelia? Was it just as well that his new relationship never got mentioned? There was something else on top of all that, come to think.

Damn it Tank, why did you just stand there while he had a go at Ripp? Why didn’t you say something?!

‘Cause it would have made things worse?! Would I have even been able to get a word in?!

Ripp would have known you were on his side, and so would Dad…

Oh yeah, like that would’ve helped any.

Okay, fine. At least square it with Ripp when you see him next. You owe him that much.

Of course I will. Can I get some sleep now!?

You know… the amount of times we’ve had these talks and the barriers came up… you’ve done great, be proud.

Only ‘cause Ripp helped.

You never listened before.

I know… I guess I was just sick of it all… damn, there’s so much more I need to tell him… I wanted to when we got back, but never got the chance…

You know the most frightening thing in all this? Dad could’ve killed him… you could just have saved his life.

It was no good. No matter how much he tried to shake off the night’s events so sleep would eventually come, it just wasn’t going to happen. Tank was left hunched up in his bed, rubbing at his eyes, and wincing as he forgot himself and caught the swollen area around his right eye. Sighing to himself, he slumped over his knees as he grumbled in annoyance.

“I ain’t gonna sleep tonight, am I?!”

Suddenly a thought animated him into life, springing him from his bed and over to the light switch. As the bulb bloomed into life, Tank’s eyes screwed shut at the sudden invasion of bright light, and for a moment he stood by the switch as his vision accustomed to the glare in the room. Not bothering to dress further than the shorts he’d slept in, his eyes locked onto another object in the room, the therapeutic qualities brought with writing his non-fiction piece pulling him towards it. There was so much he needed to get out of his system.

There was only one way he was going to clear his mind of the night’s powerful events, and with the weekend now upon him, he had nothing at all to lose.